Chosen Blindness

Asleep?

Nothing is seen.

Everything is black.

The air is thin.

My heart is pounding.

I can feel my veins.

I held my breath.

Grasped for consciousness.

Tried to make more steps.

I can’t.

I’m crippled.

I opened my eyes.

There’s no one...

there’s nothing.

A vacuum.

I feared...

I trembled.

Now, I prefer my eyes closed.

Closed up to my deepest dreams.

Asleep?

i dreamt about my Econ102 Prof pagkatapos ng exam...(i just forgot to post this..)

..the day right after our last exam kay Ma'am Gladys sa Econ 102, it's so weird that i dreamt about her..
hmmmm...alam nyo naman ang dreams, super magulo...
setting: classroom somewhere...characters: ako, Ma'am Gladys and highskul friends (na di ko naman naging classmates ever, except in this dream)..
basta magulo eh...
after kong lumabas ng class, parang may naaalala akong scene na slightly nagsasagutan si Ma'am and isang classmate...
paglabas ni Ma'am, ayun umiiyak,,
hala..first time kong makita si Ma'am na umiyak...ever,,
,sobrang unusual talaga..
tapos super comfort naman daw ako kay Ma'am...
gusto ko syang yakapin pero ewan bakit di ko ginawa,,hay,,,ang weird talaga,,,

rain, rain go away...!!!!

it's raining here and i'm feeling cold....
grrrrrrr.....



i don't know why but i always hate the rain...
it makes me feel SAD...

BORED...
SLEEPY....
LIFELESS...



it seems that i can't do anything good and right when the rain is falling...
i wish i have this anti-gravity power to keep the rain hanging up
as clouds there in the pale sky,
so they won't fall...
so there's no need for me to bring my 3-fold umbrella...
so there won't be sticky mud on the grounds that would surely mess my shoes...
so there won't be flood that gives different kinds of illness to the kids
that enjoy swimming in it.

i just hate the rain...

but i can't be so selfish about it.
many still wish for this rain.
the farmers - to have healthier crops...
to the forest so it would be nourished...
for the plants to grow...
to sustain a new life...
to continue existence,,,


i guess this is what the nature wants us to learn...

there are thing we despise,
but we must accept their existence because they fuel the lives of others.

oh...
but i still hope,,
the rain would end soon...

Earth Hour 2009

we participated in this life-saving moment...the Earth Hour 2009...
by 8:30 in the evening..all lights are off and good thing, almost the whole neighborhood joined as well.

The only lights that can be seen are those yellow and while street lights on the main roads..

aside from that, our place was enveloped in total darkness...

So nice to see many participated in this aim... =)

As a Greenpeace member, I encouraged many people to join and do the same thing.

It's just a small thing, a small sacrifice of darness in order to a better kind of light - for me, for you, for the next generation.

The Philippines is an active participant on these kinds of activities...

Hope everyone will participate as well in the future Earth Hours...=)

so, so, so tired...

...i went to the city this afternoon to deposit some money..
the sun was striking its painful hot rays...
..
i felt really warm...
after depositing, i went to Tarlac State University to get the exam results of my brother,,
then i went to the mall...

walk-and-walk-and-walk-under-the-bright-bright-sunshine.
my skin is getting darker even though i'm using my Totes umbrella.,..
from the mall..
i made my way to the main street...

then to Far East Trading..
i bought tiny beads which eventually popped into jelly-like gaudy spheres when soaked for a few hours in the water...really nice..
then i looked for a place to buy some other stuffs,,,
..finally..
i rode my way to the terminal home,,
Good thing, i accidentally bumped with a friend..
an elementary and high school classmate..
we chat with each other while waiting for a ride...
she told me updates about some of our friends,,,
It's so nice to see an old friend again after a long time,,,
..
I went home exhausted..
yet happy for what had happened...
so nice to bring back the memories,,,,indeed,,..

a happy feeling...after finishing my last exam for this sem... =)

...after magreview til 4:30 in the morning kanina...
sa wakas, natapos din ang madugong exam sa 102!

ang sarap ng feeling...!!!!
of course, my mga di ako nasagot and sure din n meron akong mistakes pero ok lng...
at least feeling ko papasa naman kahit pano...

tapos na ang exams...
pwede na huminga...
submissions na lang na ibang requirements (psych 140) and STFAP...hay...
then..
uwian na!!!

it's over......!!!!!!!!!!!!

a sense of fulfillment on training a pigeon

OMG!!!
ang galing-galing ni Tetay!!!
after our depressing training with Am and Roan...
thank God, she learned 3 tricks!
we are so proud of her!!!
we almost cried every night while training her to do the tricks in my place...
and we almost give up because of this...
but our hard work paid off.

we presented her this afternoon to Prof. Astudillo and ayun.,.
she was glad with her amazing performance...
she said that our pigeon was a fast learner...
with no mistakes,,,

our Prof. congratulated us for a job well done......
she gave us 100 points for this,,,a perfect score actually...

it was really fulfilling for me!!!
i can't believe it...
we made this thing happen!!!!
so great!
(sorry, maybe I'm over acting already but this is how i feel right now...haha
please bear with me .. )

so hectic...i can't even breathe

...it's Saturday...the sun hides behind the clouds - this-makes-me-sad-sad-sad.
we have no classes.
but it's more demanded to go to school today.

We have our class practice for PE2 - Dance Aero.
You know what happened?

• I came first
• Not even a half attended
• We practiced at Sunshine Park where we were bathed with smoke (eeew! so annoying because i just took a bath!)
• We learned just a few steps
• We dismissed early
• Nothing so much was gained

Today is the scheduled day of thesis defense of my graduating orgmates and friends. I'm so sad I can't watch them because I still have lots of things to do. And one thing more, I'm only wearing shorts. Though it is ok, i still feel that i should have worn anything more formal for the event. =(
Right now, i'm here at the university library (AGAIN) to find more reading materials for my exams. Library hours is extended up to 7 in the evening. I still have to do research for our experiment. I need to do my auto-shaping for my Psych140 class. Our Behavior Modification Program (BPM) group project is still hanging.

I have more than a hundred-page reading to get done til Monday.
So pathetic.
Wish i am a superhuman...
But i know i can. It's not my attitude to give up easily.
Yes, i can!

torn between schedules

...oh my gosh!

got to do lots of stuffs these days up to next week which is the scheduled date of our finals - HELL WEEK...!
deadlines, experiments, papers, exams - I'm so, so over occupied with schoolwork!

how i wish i could get through to this without broken bones.
with over 500 pages of reading materials to finish and understand, i don't know if i can still manage to stay alive.

wish me luck!

crying again after a long time...

Last Sunday around noon, as i was scanning the channels for something to watch I accidentally got on a local station here where the artists paid tribute to Francis M.'s legacy.

Four of the most acclaimed singers sang one Francis M.'s most played song : Kaleidoscope World. And these are the lyrics:

Kaleidoscope World

So many faces, so many races
Different voices, different choices
Some are mad, while others laugh
Some live alone with no better half
Others grieve while others curse
And others mourn behind a big black hearse
Some are pure and some half-bred
Some are sober and some are wasted
Some are rich because of fate and
Some are poor with no food on their plate
Some stand out while others blend
Some are fat and stout while some are thin
Some are friends and some are foes
Some have some while some have most

Every color and every hue
Is represented by me and you
Take a slide in the slope
Take a look in the kaleidoscope
Spinnin' round, make it twirl
In this kaleidoscope world

Some are great and some are few
Others lie while some tell the truth
Some say poems and some do sing
Others sing through their guitar strings
Some know it all while some act dumb
Let the bassline strum to the bang of the drum
Some can swim while some will sink
And some will find their minds and think
Others walk while others run
You can't talk peace and have a gun
Some are hurt and start to cry
Don't ask me how don't ask me why
Some are friends and some are foes
Some have some while some have most

Every color and every hue
Is represented by me and you
Take a slide in the slope
Take a look in the kaleidoscope
Spinnin' round, make it twirl
In this kaleidoscope world

We can easily see what he wants to say with his song (and with his other songs as well). He wants everyone to have equality, to help each other, to live better through a good interpersonal relationship.

As they started singing the song, tears easily flowed on my pale cheeks. I can't help but cry. Even though I only knew him as an artist and a showbiz personality, I just can't accept the fact that he was gone. He was such a great man.

In fact, this family opened his wake to the public so his fans can see him for the last time. But I'm glad to know that Pia, his wife, is showing a picture of strength for their children despite it all.

Another thing that showed how Francis was much loved by the music industry was that, even MTV made a their logo dedicated to him.

It was still a very sad moment.
He will be cremated this day, March 11, 2009.

encounter with my ultimate crush - YAEL!!!!

...while spending time here in the library yesterday afternoon, i got the chance to chat with Yan Yuzon (from the bands Pupil and Archipelago)... I was asking him when will they come back here either with his another band - Archipelago - or with his brother Yael. He said that Yael was just right here at Baguio City.

After the short chat, I hastily logged out and got my things. I rode a jeep to Melvin Jones Grand Stand just to know that they were not performing there (what a waste!). It was past 5pm. I walked my way up to Session Road where its length was covered by various booths and stalls from all over the country in line with the celebration of Panagbenga 2009 - it was "Session in Bloom."

I made my way and saw the stage being arranged by a production team from Smart Buddy. There was also a banner saying that Sponge Cola and the Bloomfieds were performing by 7pm. And so I waited. I waited alone.

At first there were few people waiting but when it was almost 7pm, the population grew fast!

I was just so irritated because the show started almost 8pm and i was hungry. My last meal was a brunch around 10 in the morning.

The event first started with a couple of games then the Bloomfields. It was such a very long performance. I wanted to seat and the people around me kept pushing and pushing all over. I just hate the crowd.

After more than an hour, they ended up their performance - thank God!
Unfortunately, it's time for another round of games...

And there came the most awaited moment!
time to rock the stage with SPONGE COLA - Yael, Armo, Gosh and Wendell.
Everyone was cheering their lungs out!

I've been silent for the whole time but this is the right moment to scream and cheer for my Yael!
Yael is undeniably the best of all!
I just can't stop cheering and jumping in my place after he came out from the backstage wearing nothing but a jacket and shoes from his favorite brand - Adidas..
He was so handsome, so appealing! That's why many girls are so, so crazily in love with him..!

I'm really glad to see him with a new haircut. He definitely looked more handsome now! With his white and smooth skin, his very powerful voice and with just his presence in the place, I just cant deny the feeling of being so much into him. I can't put my eyes off him even for a while.

I just love his voice. And I actually love his band even from the start.
He's just so awesome.

He knew how to entertain the crowd. When he stepped down the stage, he circled the fence for his wild fans and extended his arms for some kind of a contact. Luckily, I has the chance to touch his arm even for just a few seconds....oh, I really didn't want to wash my hands afterward.

They performed a few songs including KLSP, Tuliro, Di na Mababawi, Makapagtataka, Bitiw, Pare Ko, Pasubali, Puso, Sana Maulit Muli, Closer You and I, and many more... I, together with all the people out there sang with him.

On one part of the performance, Yael also sang a few lines on Francis M.'s Kaleidoscope World to give tribute to him, to thank him for all his help and to pray for his soul. He was teary-eyed that time. He bent to wipe his tears and stood up with a smile trying to cheer his crowd. Oh, it's the first time I saw him cry.

But generally, the performance wrapped up so well. So fabulous!
I didn't want the night to end. I wanted this time with Yael to be for eternity...
I just really, really love him!
I'm hoping to see them again perform soon.

Please don't say that he was overrated. This is just how i feel.

By the way, Armo was cute as well.


Gosh is my idol when it comes to song composition.


Wendell did great on his drums (he replaced Chris Cantada, the former drummer due to health reasons).


All are very talented - bound by friendship and passion for music.


And as YAEL, my love, said,

"Keep the fire Burning!"

So be it.

the death of a star - Francis M.

...while in this school library about an hour ago, i received a text from my blocmate which really shocked me...Francis Magalona is dead..

i didn't know if i woulds believe this one until i received another message.

O-My-God!

my mind was unsettled.
my heart began to race.

i can't absorb the news - or i just don't want to take it.

for another moment, we lost a great star in the showbiz industry - the master rapper; an epitome of kindness and courage... he is an ideal model for the youth and all; a responsible father and a loving husband; a friend you can run to; someone who treats you as his equal; he was the one who bridged many people's dreams. he is a picture of hope and he shares this character to everyone - even in the distance. he is a person of wit and good personality - one of the best in the Filipino scene.

he even made his own mark with the brand - 3 stars and a sun, from the Philippine flag- which is dedicated for the refueling of the nationalistic flames in the heart of each Filipino.

after being diagnosed with leukemia, he readily had his treatment sessions with the guiding support from his family, friends and millions of supporters...in fact, many of them even donated their blood for him.

i thought he was recovering. they even planned to have a collaboration between him and ely buendia and i was so excited about this.

this is a really, really sad day not just for me but for the entire country. sure thing the Philippines is praying for him and his family.

I'm also praying that he may rest in peace and now live in the kingdom of our Heavenly Father. he deserves to be there, he always has.

so sad today....

एरी..yeah I know it's always unwise to consume some of my very limited time here on earth with just doin' nothing at all...
but this day is so boring to the point that sleeping doesn't even help.

after 10 minutes I'll be logging out, we will be having a class meeting for our performance in PE2 - Dance Aerobics...
haha..
what a PE!

another thing is that i hate the weather...
so cloudy...
there isn't even a single steak of light from the sun...
so gloomy...

oh...
wish i have something/someone to cheer me up...

an innocent brave heart

..yesterday, while we were doing our NSTP at Fort del Pilar Elementary School, inside the Philippine Military Academy (PMA) premises, we were asked to teach Grade I pupils. It's actually my first time to handle a very
young and playful class like these. Most of then are ages 6-7.

We were asked to read then short English stories and we had given quizzes afterward.

It's a little bit difficult to teach them because some are not paying attention; one of the smallest kids in the room was so noisy and he even 'bullied' most of his classmates despite our presence; some boys kept on running and running and screaming all around; and at every point, there would be someone crying - I didn't know what to do.

But one girl caught my attention - Phyllis Aguilar. I asked her why she was crying and then her classmates around her told me that she was English-speaking. I was surprised. I thought all of them talks Filipino. Then using my English tongue, I began asking her the reason of her tears. At first, she seemed to decline talking but then, she said that Kassle, her seatmate, was teasing her. So i told her to ignore her classmate and just focus to we can proceed with our lesson.
And then, she began whispering something with her soft voice. I moved closer to her so I can hear her better. She was wearing a black pin on her dress.

She said that she's irritated because Kassle was teasing her, telling some sort of things as they were exchanging their papers. She also said that before, it was a long time that her father was unable to talk and move like normal. His father just recently died. She told me the date and even wrote it on her paper. I comforted her and whispered that I was sorry to hear the sad news and everything will be fine. She replied that she was ok since she still have her mom and 3 other siblings.

I indeed adored her courage to keep on moving forward despite her age.
I was so amazed - a young child with a fighting soul of her own.

After the class, we collected their papers and asked the assigned cleaners to stay and clean the room. Phyllis approached me and stated that she was one of the day's cleaners.

She left the room with a smile on her face. Hope that as she grow old, she would have a stronger spirit to survive the following challenges on her life. I believe this is a good start, and she would definitely be able to surpass every trial - no matter how difficult it will be.